Remission is wonderful. Yet…

Remission moves the emotional needle from sheer panic to just plain ole’ dread.

We’ve been through the trauma and are now learning to deal with it. To get on with our lives while still handling the side effects both physical and emotional.

It’s been nearly a year since my last chemo treatment. Every single test still brings a fresh wave of fear as I brace myself for more bad news. I’ve read that this is called cancer PTSD. Maybe it is. Maybe having a descriptor helps me to deal with it. Something to blame.

I used to think that once I reached this magic place called remission all my fear and anxiety would be gone. That healing, being NED, would fix everything. That is not what is happening to me.

I am still afraid for my life, though it’s not as imminent.

I am completely in fear of recurrence. Even the thought of having to go through all that physical and emotional turmoil is holding me back, keeping me from moving forward.

This is the reality of remission for me. If you are feeling this too, I would love to hear your story.